Dear Regi:

Adult children sure do their very best to accept their parents the way they are (your last line), put a lot of effort to understand their parents’ childhood, their parents’ difficulties, their parents’ feelings, reaching out to the parent, again and again, asking, listening.

But many parents  do not make that kind of effort, not even close, as you described about your father: “He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t show any emotions… silence.. he changes the subject. He never asks”.

What I found out is that this is often the case because parents have to earn others’ attention and love but their children’s love is guaranteed to them. A parent’s emotional investment in one’s child is not required because a child, minor or adult, is there for the parent, forgiving anything, accepting everything.

anita