Thank you Anita, especially for helping me to see my part on this. This is always the most difficult part. I also understand that it is very difficult to see your own flaws sometimes, and the big part of personal growth is to own your own shadows. Altough she did some hurtful things to me, I know she is not a bad person. She carries a lot of anger, lot of grief. The most difficult part of this is that I really wanted to help her to help herself, and instead of that I only caused more pain. And at the same time I know I have to forgive myself. I know I did not want to cause harm. I just did not know what I am doing. And I think this applies to almost everybody. People do not intentionally hurt each other. It makes me really sad that she thinks that my apologies had 100% selfish motive. What I tried to do was validating her hurt feelings and make sure that she does not take all the guilt. I have to admit that I needed that too, so thats why I went to counseling in the first place. With her I was never able to get that validation. But again, her reaction tells me that she really cared about me and I let her down. I have always felt so unlovable that it was impossible to believe that somebody really loves me and will be there for me. I hope that maybe one day she understands that I cared about her too. I know that right now she does not think that way.