Dear pineapplegirl:

You wrote, “He didn’t take a stand for me… he should fight for me”-

but he did take a stand and he did fight for you. You wrote that he “told her (his mother) he wanted to be with me… He was fighting with his family all the time to be with me”. Telling his mother that he wanted to be with you is taking a stand. Fighting “all the time” is a lot of fighting that he did so to be with you.

Unfortunately, because of the culture, and because a child is so powerfully influenced by what parents tell the child at an early age, his mother’s input is very powerful. He got tired fighting.

His mother, it seems, at one point gave in to her son.. somewhat, not whole heartedly. There may be a chance to convince her. Maybe. If you are able, if you have what it takes to withstand the distress involved, then maybe you should cooperate with the man to win the acceptance of his family.

But only if you are able, if you are able to fight this battle and if the two of you are very likely to make a good team in life.

(I would suggest that he abandons false responsibilities to his family of origin, free himself from this breadwinner role, marry who he chooses, when he chooses… but I am aware of how unlikely this is to happen, how powerful parents are, and I am aware somewhat of the culture).

anita