Hello Meow Anna,

If I understand the situation…you and your boyfriend live together.  You make less than he does.  You had a joint account, but are not using it at the moment.  Why is the joint account not being used?  You say he does pay for groceries more than you do.  You might have mentioned this, but do you and your boyfriend split the rent and utilities down the middle?

What I get from your post is that you have an expectation of your boyfriend.  You want him to pay more because he earns more.  You kind of/sort of addressed this with him, but you say he didn’t really respond.  Or, is it that he didn’t respond in the way you wanted him to?  You want him to understand your financial situation – and why it is this way (so you can spend more time with each other) and you want him to appreciate it.

You say here, “But what I am missing is some money for myself but even more to see that he understands my situation and makes use of the income he has to increase my overall contentment with no big impact on him financially.  Yes, I could just do another job, but then we would almost never see eachother and it will be a sure way to the end of our relationship.”

I think this is the crux of the problem.  You want him to use his income to increase your contentment.  Have you said this to him directly?  It seems to be the white elephant in the room – he knows it’s there, you know it’s there, but no one is really addressing it.  You need to have a clear conversation with your boyfriend about finances.  The way it is structured now is not working for you.

You say that doing another job will be a sure way to the end of your relationship.  Is this true?  Or is this something you imagine happening because you won’t see enough of him?  You need to have a clear conversation with your boyfriend about your relationship, and the impact of you doing another job.

Your resentment about this will only grow unless you talk to him about it.  His responses will give you the direction you need.  If he is not willing to “increase your overall contement with no big financial impact on him,” then you need to decide if you are willing to stay in the relationship, do another job, and support yourself independently.

Airene