Dear Laurie:

I re-read and studied your posts. This man is married with kids, but was or still is separated from his wife. He lives 4 hours away from you. You knew him for many years but over a year ago the two of you became intimate. During the relationship you paid groceries for his kids, bought him a $900 Christmas gift and more recently, gave him $400.

I missed the significance of this sentence before. Now I realize it is the most important sentence in your thread:  “many times I have told him, and offered to back away from the situation & to give him space”.

Monday, eight days ago, he sent you an email in which he wrote: “I will be in touch with you as soon as I get my mind, body and spirit in place”.

What he did eight days ago was to take that space that you offered him many times before.

Your response to his email: “I think I understood what you were trying to convey…thank you for at least letting me know. I am sorry you are having such problems, but with any other areas of your life, you have to do what you have to do. With all sincerity, I truly hope everything will work out for you!”

Your response to him is very supportive of him taking the space you offered him many times before. You had let him know that you understood what he was trying to convey (taking that space). You thanked him for letting you know that he is taking his space. You expressed empathy for him and supported him doing what-he-has-to-do, that is, that is, to take his space.

You had let him know in your response that you are sincere in your support for him, in good spirits (the exclamation mark at the end of the email indicates that), and you end the email with your hope that everything will work out for him. There is no suggestion in your email that you expect his space from you to be time limited.

Basically, your reply to him was: I understand that you are taking your space away from me. I am fine with it. I wish you the best in life!

Back to the key sentence: “how many times I have told him, and offered to back away from the situation & to give him space, and he always says NO! I don’t want space from you!”

Difference is that Monday, eight days ago, he did take that space and you had let him know you are fine with it.

I suppose this is not ghosting (in the title of your thread). It is an amicable separation in practice, although you were not aware that you agreed with the separation and that your support of this separation was perfectly supportive and encouraging.

What do you think?

anita