Dear FullOfRemorse86:

You wrote: “The events of sexual abuse I don’t connect with my childhood… I try to block them out most of the time… I do not connect my childhood to the abuse, the 2 are separate to me”-

Unfortunately they are not separate. You’ve done your best to separate the two but it can’t be done. We disassociate, push down and away emotions that are scary to feel, but those emotions won’t stay down and away.

Are you planning on keeping things as are, separate best you can?

The price to pay for keeping things as they are is that “Life feels meaningless and empty”. On the other hand, the price to examine the past and see more and more of it is feeling anxiety in a different kind of way (different because of increased awareness to it) and a whole lot of work over a whole lot of time.

Keeping things as is leads to things continuing to be as they are. The other option leads to a better experience of life and better functioning, as a person, a woman, a mother.

anita