Emotional unavailability, the level of maturity necessary for me to fully embrace them in spite of this is of a level of which I cannot authentically possess right now – in other words, they don’t want to deal with my emotions. If they ask how are you, the answer is fine. Any other answer is not an answer, and it always leads to the same “I don’t know what to do” response.

They recognise I have problems but care little for how I should deal with them or wether the problem is related to them. In other words, they clothed me, fed me, etc, but my emotions are simply not their problem.

They are just not emotionally available and I don’t have it in me yet to genuinely forgive and love them in spite of that. I can’t trust them with who I really am, essentially, because who I am is sometimes in deep, deep pain, and because they don’t know how to deal with that pain themselves, how can they deal with me?

It’s not ‘whatever’, not ‘whatever’ at all… Nothing to be flippant about, I know. It’s truly painful but simultaneously just the way it is, for now. I can accept that, with a lot of dis-ease, yes.