Dear Mae:

You wrote: “I want him present in my life but in a way that I can feel comfortable.. How do I communicate this with him?”

First, how to not communicate with him: in a previous thread you wrote: “I feel that (sex) is the only thing I have to offer and the one thing I think will make them stay”

I believe that for your own well-being, it is a good idea that you no longer initiate or otherwise participate in sexual activity for the purpose of making any man stay with you, for the purpose of offering something of value to the man (the value of using your body for sexual pleasure).

This what-not-to-do will make it possible for something good to happen with a man, if not with this one, then with someone else in the future.

Therefore, this is my answer: have conversations with him, share about your thoughts and your feelings. Ask about his. Tell him what would make you feel comfortable.

* If he (or any man) is not motivated to listen to your thoughts and your feelings, to what you value, what you care about, if he doesn’t respond to you empathetically and respectfully, if he doesn’t ask you questions so to learn more about you, then better not have anything to do with him.

anita