Hi Anita

Yes, the plan is to move to chicago in January or February next year. I can see myself living in Dublin without any influence from my mother. I know she will never love me. I, don’t chase it so much any more. My feelings for her are of respect and sense of duty for my father who passed away two years ago.

marriage for some reason feels like the ultimate step in a relationship. I have always thought of it as the goal of a relationship. You are right. He hates change. He just got a better job and he is adjusting to it.

My issue is that, I was always told that when someone loves you, they don’t walk away from you. We have had a wonderful relationship but he is confused if he is staying away from marriage because of his demons or because it’s me. He doesn’t think it’s the later but I can’t help but take it personally.

on the subject of my mother, I did pick a fight with him after she fought with me. She said “i should’ve just aborted you when I had the chance. If it weren’t for your father, you would’ve never been born”. I asked him why I have to keep chasing him for what I want in a relationship. I have chased my mother a lot all my life for love, why do I have to do the same with him? That’s when I decided to walk away from us. Then I thought about how much I love him and gave him time to think about it. He then came back and said, he doesn’t feel good about it at all. First time he left to think because he felt disconnected with me. Now we are close as ever but he still doesn’t feel good about the ultimate commitment with me.

I feel like  suggesting counseling to him but I am not sure if he will agree.

I don’t know how to go back to Ireland. He is home for me.