Dear Tara5000:

My experience with leaving “the past in the past” is nothing I used to think it would be like. I used to think that it was possible to do so by an act of will, following a decision. Not so. The past gets reactivated in our brain in the present. It takes a long healing process to slowly re-wire the brain, that is, insert new core beliefs in there so to change the mapping of the brain.

To have my first healthy relationship it took couple psychotherapy to start. My therapist at the time taught me/ us interpersonal skills. It was the psychoeducation part of therapy. He also taught me emotional regulations skills: I learned, over time, to endure emotional distress without reacting any which way so to relieve it. I learned to choose my behavior.

It took a whole lot more but these two items are big.

anita