I recently discovered that I am codependent as a result of my mother not allowing me to express my feelings and emotions because she could not handle them. She was dramatic and often cried about her situation (her mother had died from cancer, she missed her native country and was depressed her life wasn’t what she wanted it to be).

I married someone much worse than my mother. Someone who had street smarts to my naivety, strong opinions and very dominating and controlling. It allowed me to remain a child and give my judgement and decisions away so I wasn’t responsible if I made a mistake. I believed he loved me more than my mother ever did, until he started blaming me for everything he was unhappy with and punishing me for not obeying his commands. He is a narcissist and after 21 years together and having 2 children together he left me for a “better” woman (who happened to be my daughters Godmother).

Fast forward 10 years and I’m back on my feet financially and in a 12 step program (Al-Anon) as I usually date narcissists or drinkers/alcoholics. I do have a therapist, but wanted some examples of how you moved past living with a narcissist and finally started dating emotionally healthy people. I’ve met a mature man that seems lovely and I don’t want past fears to get in the way of this relationship. How have you left the past in the past, but properly paced a new relationship so it remains healthy and you don’t act too needy.

Thank you for sharing your experiences!