Ok and wow. Mind blowing and much needed support. I feel like nobody wants a train wreck in their life, especially when that’s the mirror image from a youth of shame, guilt, and abuse.

So I became still and really focused on what you said, teachings, experiences (negative and the stolen moments of true inner peace snatched up when they occur), and what needs to change. I came to the knowledge that I refuse and reflect any niceties or complements.  I would not know what to do or even how to process the genuine well wishes. This is absolute learned behavior and survival mode.  Also, the pure essence of change was devastating when I want to control or hold on to anything….I hate being insecure.

Even when you know its abuse, if you have never heard I Love You, you keep bailing them out of jail due to that deficiency from my youth.

But I also know I have outgrown that zip code.  I am lucky enough to have opportunities of service in my life and a lot to learn.  And mostly more to un-learn.

I do think I could use a therapeutic hand in cognition, and want to heal.  But I think I will strive to find someone who is on the path of Dharma and Loving Kindness.

I am very grateful for your response.