I am in the same situation. The thoughts about her keep coming over and over again. It has been 10 years since I met her. She ‘rocked my world’. But we were too young for our times and had different lives, huge geographical distance between us. We wouldn’t see each other in weeks or months, but everyday chat for hours on the net. Like this we would separate over and over again- every time we would get together for a few days, it was with a deadline. This distance brought frustration, sadness and in the end stupid things broke us up. What a tragedy indeed. A tragedy of choices in life. I would do it so much differently now. I am not happy though successful in life. Who cares about the PhD or the good job, if the soul is not calm. I told her once a story about a couple that got separated for some unfortunate reason in life and then years passed and found each other again when they were old. What a sad story. What a sad life. I really hope she doesn’t feel the same as me anymore, cause it’s really hard to live like this. Now I haven’t seen a photo of her, haven’t heard of her in years – she has disappeared from the net completely! A common old friend told me she is still where I left her and she is doing ok. I really hope so. As for me, now I’m looking for her or anyone like her. I made a huge mistake back then. It was a tough lesson of life and a result of the goals and difficulties I had then. But nobody managed to touch my soul like she did. I haven’t let anybody- I cannot. I wish I could see her. I wish I would wake up from my dreams and have her next to me. I wish reality would become the dream instead. Those keys I dropped.. But as a researcher, I tried to rationalize this, I tried to think of those things that let us broke up (the real reasons), and I tried to understand if I miss her or maybe an image my mind made of her or the life I had during that time or specifically the feelings I felt with her. I tried to think that now it’s not her anymore. Like I am not that me anymore. I tried to convince myself that me and her back then belong to that time and are now dead. Our very own cells have changed, our metabolism and microbiom in our body is different and our experiences have shaped us differently. So do I miss her, or my old self with her and her aura influencing mine, during those years? But I cannot rationalise any of this. Every time I try, the thoughts come back more persistently. It’s easier to dip myself into agony and then wrap it up and put it in a box in my mind and hide it for the next few days or weeks. But it keeps coming back. A closure seems will never come. Do not think I haven’t moved on as she did. I have, but what move on means? It has many faces and many wrinkles. The story of her made me understand that life happens once. Moments in life are unique and are not to be taken lightly. Appreciating such moments can make you a happy person. Later it’s too late. I have tried…I went to her, but she wouldn’t see me. I cannot blame her. The thing is that I now have a little ‘mental cancer’ that wont go away it seems. It is a part of me now. I just wish I would be free of those chains earlier on time. And for her, I wish she has met someone that completely truly replaced me so she doesn’t need to go through this. Evolution or Oblivion are the solutions; if you cannot evolve, then better forget or die.