David,

I would like you to read this short story. Not written by me, but gets at exactly what I think you need. The end is the most telling: “Time is too slow for those who wait, Too swift for those who fear, Too long for those who grief, Too short for those who rejoice, But for those who love… Time is Eternity”

https://www.moralstories.org/story-of-regret/

Stop looking for a sign that says what you already know. Just love. Love without limits or bounds, it’s what you deserve, and what you crave. Life is way to short to wonder.