Thank you Mark. I have had a hard time and been dealing with the best of my abilities. I am a codependent and I went to a 12 steps meeting today. I am rereading the “codependent no more” book and I am determine to find the love within myself. I have been hard on myself but I had a mini breakthrough today. I found my old journal from 5 years ago and my coda workbook. I reread some of the months of my journal which I use to write in everyday. I was going through a breakup that time too and blaming myself for everything that went wrong. I also played the victim in my story. I was the villain and the victim. After crying for what seemed to be a long time on the floor, I had an insight. I have learned a lot from my journey earlier. I have been controlling in my relationship now and will be working on making sure that I am only responsible for my actions and reactions, not his. But it was a healthy relationship. It’s easy for me to fall into “I messed up” cycle but I didn’t mess up. I showed up authentically in my relationship. I spoke my truth. Raised my hand when I didn’t feel like myself and had to take time off. Went on solo trips. Really enjoyed my me time and really took care of myself. Yes, I had a relapse and fell into my codependent tendencies but I caught myself and owned up to my part.

I would love to keep working on my relationship with my boyfriend because I love him a lot but I won’t do it without him giving me the same authentic presence.

mark, I didn’t understand the “crucible” comment above. Can you elaborate or explain?

thank you

S