Anita – thank you!!  I really needed to hear all of that.    It is crazy thought because there is hardly, if ANY, distress in our relationship prior to this.  We just came back from a weeks vacation and we had a blast.  we get along on a daily basis, we arent stuck up each other butt, we give the space we need and spent the time together we need.  So it came as a complete shock to me.  Which scared me because if our relationship is “seemingly perfect” then did this happen before and will it happen again?  Thats what leads me to believe it was something within himself.    But yes I agree – I do not like to argue.  and even during this whole situation we havent argured.  We have had adult communication/conversation about where we stand and what we want out of this relationship together. and if it wasnt clear as day before that cheating is NOT OKAY, I have made it very clear that will NOT be okay next time.  But I would rather him be honest than to lie to me. so I do appreciate that.  What do you think??  And can a person truly love someone and want to be with them but cheat on them?