Hey Peter,

Thank you again! I will indeed get that book by Eric Weiner. I was looking it up on book depository and I felt I’ve seen this book cover a number of times but never picked it up. And it definitely does sound like something I’d fully enjoy, you have good intuition! I somehow enjoy self-deprecating humor. I feel they’re real enough to say those things about themselves, acknowledge them and still enjoy every bit of themselves.

Well my boyfriend is the one that caused the sudden annoying awakening. It all happened after I met him. I’ve been surrounded by men who played video games or were in a band (not that any of these are bad) but then I meet this human who meditates, talks about the importance of meditation and self-awareness and I’m suddenly in awe and my whole perspective changed and that sometimes feels like it was a rude interruption into my life, and other times feels calming. For the most parts, it feels annoying at the moment.

I guess I just get tired of not fully understanding some of the things they’re talking about. Mostly because I have a tough time tuning in to the “silence”. It’s a process I guess. A process of learning to trust yourself, your gut feelings, your intuitions, and just letting go. I also feel like it gets too serious sometimes. Talk about the universe, respecting your life’s purpose. honoring yourself and your feelings. When all of these things should come naturally and at most times we resist and we fight it for reasons we’re yet to comprehend. While they call it resisting, I’d call it shaping my own outcome. It’s a lil battle in my mind. Eventually, those thoughts will come to an understanding. For now, I guess I’m still learning to be patient with myself.

“Once you ask a question you cannot unasked it. Ignorance is bliss but you can’t go back. Frankly life is easier when we identify with our ego and suffer. Righteous anger and taking everything personal can really get the juices flowing. Sure, in the end its exhausting and unhealthy but it can feel so good in the moment. You awakened to the realization that you are not your ego and can’t go back. It’s a loss, even if it leads to becoming more authentic, every loss needs to properly mourned.”     

That paragraph right there is amazing. So many questions I wished never crossed my mind and was never uttered. Choosing my battles wisely was my ammo, but you realize that the battles you choose to indulge yourself in, is truly the battle you’re choosing to have with yourself and to let go. Shedding the ego, one moment at a time. If that makes any sense?

Thanks again. Also thanks to Phil for raising the questions. I think as long as we’re asking the questions, we’re in the right track already.