Hi Anita,

I have many things I would like to say to him, but as soon as I think about being face to face with him my stomach gets in knots and I can’t think straight.  As much as I would like to have a civil & honest conversation with him, I don’t feel it is possible.  He has not been honest about so many things & him being so  irresponsible it would probably end up heated as it usually does.  I would like very much if he could be nice and I feel it would come flowing out as in the past and I would be able to get everything out.

I don’t know how I would feel afterwards is another reason I think I am hesitant and fearful of talking to him.  I am so sick of pretending I am ok when I am clearly not.  I have tried everything suggested to me to get passed these feelings and nothing is working & the thought of spending my fall season as I have my summer is scary.  I don’t think I could do it.  If I had someone to take care of my cats I thought about going away & then I thought where would I go?  and the problems would still be in my head.

I have done nothing to cause him to ignore me …I was always good to him & I don’t believe he was as miserable as he said he was, or he would have left a lot sooner.  I am sorry if I have been repeating things already posted, but it is still in my thoughts when I think about talking to him which will probably never go any further than between us in these post.  Because as soon as I think about the end result, it is tragic & I am sure he would share it with his new girl.

Bella