It seems that things have deteriorated since your first post; from my perspective anyway. I appreciate your sustained effort for yourself though. There is a lot to think about here. I relate to your self-esteem struggle and it can be extremely crippling and loom over a long period of time if you let it affect you. If you are going to build your self-esteem; build and work hard to patch what you perceive as your weaknesses until there are none left. Then you look back and realise you are perfect- as you are right now.

In terms of relationships, if you don’t think you are worth anything , there is absolutely no reason for another person to think so either. Build yourself up, then go into a relationship to give love and meet each others needs, otherwise you are setting up a foundation for ruin; so it appears right now. Learn to love yourself first.

If you take a step back- “who taught me to put such influence on people” from your partner : it looks like he’s manipulating and projecting what he’s doing onto you- if you have a look, it is him who says you are putting influence on “people” but look what he’s doing to you. Your parents saying you have no value; you probably have gone through a tough upbringing. Nothing anyone does is but a reflection of how they feel about themselves and what they were taught as children. They probably had the same type of childhood and knew no better. Bad parents are a horrible thing, but they do teach things- your values and what’s important to you and what you value in a parent. Move on from this, focus on yourself and make sure to never impart any of these bad treatments on your child.

Everyone is born into the world for a reason. Your reality is in yourself- don’t let anyone change that. Find the truth in yourself and make the world a better place. 🙂