Dear Opal:

Congratulations for making the move! You did the right thing for yourself and for him and everyone else who is part of your life.

You wrote about his reaction to you leaving (and about your reaction to his pain): “He was devastated… begging me to stay… seen more pain in my husband.. The devastation and pain from him is nearly unbearable. He didn’t eat… seems like such a broken man…He didn’t go to work yesterday…said he was never going to go to work again… he had gone to work… he ate… I can not help him with his pain”

First, part of his pain may be his efforts to manipulate you to pity him and go back to living with him, to undo what is right for you. Notice he said he “was never going to go to work again”, but he did go back to work.

Second, his pain was there all along while you lived with him, and will be there if you went back to him. It is there now and it was there then. Here are indications of his pain when you lived with him, taken from your original post: “He is an alcoholic, drinks every single night… Right from the beginning he used to get cranky when he drank…He would get cranky at her even as a little one… He would still get cranky at her… He becomes very moody… He constantly complains… he will always get angry and moody… He has smashed things…”

His pain was there from the beginning of the marriage and before that.

Notice: following the excitement of having made the move, you will probably have other feelings besides the sadness over his pain. When that happens, I hope you post here.

anita