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Reply To: I hate being a woman thanks to my mother

HomeForumsTough TimesI hate being a woman thanks to my motherReply To: I hate being a woman thanks to my mother

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Anonymous
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Dear Delta:

You are welcome and I am glad to read from you. You asked me how I am coping (with having been abused by my mother). Like you I moved far away from her, thousands of kilometers/ miles away. Unfortunately, I went back to visit her, weeks or more at a time, over the years, and she came to visit me. Those visits with her undid all progress I made when away from her. It took for me to cut all contact with her five years ago to make it possible for me to make progress and keep that progress going.

By progress I mean healing, healing from the consequences of the abuse. Away from my mother, her mental representative in my brain was still talking to me, of course. Our parents, particular the one most present and most powerful in our lives as children, has a mental representative in our brain, as adults. And we cannot put a single meter of distance in between us and that mental representative.

Healing takes being Mindful. Developing the skill of mindfulness has been a big part of my first quality psychotherapy 2011-2013. Being mindful of, or paying attention (in other words) to that mental representative, to what it says (thoughts) and the feelings involved with those thoughts is crucial to healing. This is a beginning. I will be glad to share more over time, during a back and forth communication, if you would like.

anita