Hi Anita,

Once again, I like the practical approach you suggest at the end. Be an observer and listen (engaged), notice what the “automatic” reaction is with certain types of emotional triggers (e.g. – anger),  and stay grounded in my values (e.g. responding with compassion, but rejecting the silent treatment). This cascaded a lot of thoughts in me, re: how to go about creating that “safe” environment to work on issues in the relationship. I think it takes honesty, listening skills and emotional awareness on both partners to really achieve that. It seems to me in a healthy relationship we should be able to both work on the issues and work on “being better at working on issues”.

I can give you an update on communication with my ex. She eventually reached out to let me know she was going on a trip with a friend, and hoping to use the time for reflection and to “reset”; she mentioned thinking of me/us and that she considered my offer to meet in Europe but tickets were too expensive. That was 3 days ago; since then we’ve been connecting/exchanging daily by text message, and I can sense a change of “tone”/more openness on her part. (there was no apology though for the silent treatment).

I know this doesn’t mean that we will get back together (we need to have an in person discussion when we are both back in a couple of weeks about how things would need to evolve), but I’m glad that lines of communication are open again. My perspective is that I should not focus on whether we will get back together, but rather on continuing to heal and maintaining such a mindset that, if the right conditions for us to get back together show up again, then I will be able to identify and seize the opportunity as a better partner myself.

ME