@anita, Thanks for your detailed reply. I completely agree with most of your statements. But for a few things:

“She never promised you love” — She did when we reconnected in 2014, over phone she said she never knew she loved me that much. Now the love I have for her revitalizes her and help her self-actualize her etc. I think may be she simply liked the fact that someone is loving her like crazy, that is it. do not know…

In the last 10 months of whats app and phone conversations with G, she kept saying she loves me, she does not want to let me go this time. She loves me like her little one etc.

I discussed this with my wife and she kind of knows who G is. (Of course I did not tell her about the sexual thing that happened two times, I feel devastated for hiding this from her) My wife is such an angel, she CANNOT lie to me like this.

My wife is level-headed and not emotionally driven, she said, hey look: I might have a past and I know you have as well, but once married we are committed to each other and so is G. Do not get obsessed with G and if she is not committed means she only want a no-commitment thing from you (and others), means that she is in someway no happy with her husband. (I do not think so, just like me she is happy with her spouse)

The more I think, the more I have to believe what Esther Perel says about why happy people cheat: “Adultery is the revenge of the deserted possibilities from our past” — What a gem !

My wife said if I happen to do anything with G and if I want the marriage with my wife to continue do not tell her and she would not tell anything to me as well…I know my wife cannot cheat, she is much more decent and clear than me, should rather quit in case she wants to have another relationship…I feel guilty that I only have a such a messed up past and a messed up mind 🙁

By now, I figure G was not sincere to me, never intended to be. She just liked the lightning flash of her youth coming back in her late 30s and simply wanted to capitalize on that to feel better. (I would not blame her)

What I hate is the withdrawal, nothing more than a “good morning” in whats app, acting to be busy.

This is the most hurtful part: What I once pointed out that the passion has reduced in G and she is not interested in meeting, she has not said “I love you” in a while in person or in whatsapp, this is what she said:

“Hey, do not try to make me feel guilty and paint a sad picture of yourself. If you do I will run away from relationships” This broke my heart because, G always liked me boing clingy and told me that a few times.

She liked me pulling her legs and often had told that poky-humor of me is something she loved, then 2-3 months back she said she does not like it and cannot put up with that for life in a really really rude tone!!

Al makes me believe that G used me for part-time fun and occasional sex and keep me on the sidelines when she is bored of her husband or one of her mates. (one of them she travels with overseas for a few weeks from time to time)

She herself had told me once that one of those guys is coming so close to her — in a bragging way…

I know one thing for sure, I HAVE TO STOP CONTACTING and STOP THINKING ABOUT HER.

But how ?!!!