Dear Ladybug:

I am concerned about you. It is only within the last few days that I realize the extent of your focus on this man and this relationship, a focus so intense and so exclusive that there is nothing much happening in your mind and life outside this relationship. It occurred to me that all your efforts, including your efforts to appear independent, self sufficient, not desperate etc., are indeed efforts to appear those things. All aimed at keeping him as your boyfriend, and that you will do whatever it takes to achieve this aim: to keep him as your boyfriend.

Problem is the prize is not worth your sacrifice. He is not that wonderful, not that powerful, not that promising so to be worth your sacrifices, your intense and exclusive focus on him.

The title of your thread is “My Boyfriend is going through an identity crises”. It occurred to me only recently, that it is you who has been sacrificing your identity so to keep him in your life.  When you allowed it to be that you had sex with him while he avoided eye contact with you, you sacrificed a whole lot right there.

I think that you attending good psychotherapy/ counseling, maybe attending Coda support groups, if such are available to you, is the thing for you to do.

anita