Dear Jose:

I will repeat what you share (it helps me understand when I do that):

You are 27, suffered depression since your adolescence, had relationships in the past five years that failed, mostly your fault, you wrote, and relationships that you wish you had but which never developed.

One of the relationships that didn’t develop and was not meant to be is with this girl you are currently feeling in love with, so much so that “it’s scary”. You feel sad about it, “with this void that gets deeper”. You think that being a single man in your twenties,  you are supposed to enjoy “time of discoveries and good times”, but you find yourself in love with this girl, overthinking and daydreaming about her, specifically how much you could give her, the happy moments you would give her.

My thoughts: I too suffered from depression in my adolescence (and onward) and I too  didn’t have good times in my twenties, hardly, lots and lots of sadness and aloneness instead. You wrote that you daydreaming about making her happy. I was wondering, as a child, did you try to make your mother (or father) happy, or wish they were happy, but they were very unhappy?

anita