Dear Jezz:

I read your four recent posts for the first time, this morning (didn’t read the three before the recent one because they were not addressed to me).

A few comments:

1. Regarding co-parenting: “I just wonder how to avoid him in this coparenting… I’m trying to coparen”- You are parenting your toddler. He is not parenting her, so there is no co parenting.

2. “I have done well at directing my empathy towards my daughter but my heart hurt with our last encounter. I question whether he actually has feelings because of the way he cried”. He does have feelings.  Every human being has feelings. And every human being, no matter how cruel, feels pain just the same as any other human, good, bad or indifferent. So when you see him cry, it means he is human. It doesn’t mean he is a good person.

3. “I have felt tremendous guilt for him not seeing his daughter but he is not stable… The guilt is worsened when he says he will do anything for us to raise her together. I often cry about taking her from her dad even tho I know it’s for the better… I am so lost, confused and down”- it will help if you correct your thinking so to fit it to the truth: your daughter doesn’t have a dad. You wish she did but she doesn’t. You are not taking her away from her dad, you are protecting her from a man.

My suggestion: give up the idea that he is your daughter’s dad. Do nothing at all to encourage any relationship between him and her, not now and not in the future. Do all you can to discourage your daughter being in his presence, supervised or not. Do not give in to his pressure that you pay his bills.

Do all you can to not be in this man’s company, treat him like a criminal who is trying to steal your money and hurt you otherwise. Keep a record of police involvement.

You wrote, “I’m not making progress at all”- the more distance you make happen between this man and you, and between this man and your daughter, the more progress you make. At this point, I suggest you focus on avoiding him as progress, not on resolving your guilt feelings or worse, resolving or .. improving the relationship with him, or the non existing co-parenting.

And do post again, anytime.

anita