Dear anita,

to some extent I agree with you, that as a pastor’s child it looks better if the child attends services. But the problem is, my parents did not sit down and explain this to me calmly. They didn’t accept my religious doubts and just wanted to pressure me to be religious again. I don’t feel like they tried to see my side. My mother to this day sends me religious books and calendars (it’s not really a problem – but still, it shows she doesn’t accept my decision).

So much time and energy of my childhood was spent fighting for my religious freedom… And the freedom to be who I am.

I also agree that it is okay for parents to watch over the movies their child watches. I was mentioning this more as one of the forms I used to resist my parents. But they also took it too far sometimes. For example, they wouldn’t let me watch Sailor Moon because they claimed it was tied to Munism? I just couldn’t take this seriously, even as a child. It was just too much…

And that they condemned other religions just made it worse for me. I don’t care what someone does or doesn’t believe in. You are not better or worse just because you believe or don’t believe in a religion. At the end of the day, we are all humans. I can’t stand the arrogance of wanting to convert others… Or belittling someones religion as mere superstition, while thinking your religion is the only right one…

Why do I have problems saying no to men? I don’t only have this problem with men. Also with colleagues or friends.

I think I could tell my parents my opinion, because I was very sure of it. But I was probably not exactly nice about it. I also wasn’t able to see their side at the time to be honest. Back then I was different, I guess? A teenager and sometimes arrogant. But I also stood up for myself more, even if it wasn’t always in the best way. I believed in myself more, I thought I was a “fighter”. Sometimes I feel less passionate now. But sometimes people still say about me that I have inner strength. And I think I do? I think if I truly believe in something, I will stand up for it. But I can also be very weak and I have lost faith in myself, because I haven’t accomplished that much.

But at least, in the last month or so I was feeling a little better. Hopefully therapy can help me more and that someday I can accept myself better.