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Lily

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 405 total)
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  • #377993
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    thank you for being understanding and for your offer! I will get back to you if I need help with revisiting the threads.

    Did you enjoy your spring/summer day? Here it is still fresh outside, but the last days were sunny. I want to value the seasons more and pay more attention to nature’s wonders.

    My day was not so productive. At least I tried out two new recipes and thought about goal setting. Like I said before but then lost track of it, I need to set specific goals for myself. The weekly review was also a good idea and I should bring that back as well.

    My goals for this week:

    1) Finish project B (3 pages are left)

    2) Work on one illustration for project C

    3) Do yoga as often as possible

    4) Think more about my goals

    5) Spend time in nature

    Tomorrow I have to go to work, but I also should draw for at least a few minutes (project B). Yoga would also be good, it often makes me feel better and helps with my back problems.

    Have a good rest of Sunday!

    • This reply was modified 11 hours, 34 minutes ago by Lily.
    #377947
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    good to hear that you are fine!

    Thank you for your offer. I am not sure though. At the moment I am feeling calm and stable and I feel that I should concentrate more on the present. I have extensively thought about my problems and the past here with you, in therapy and my own mind. You have helped me. I feel that I have understood much more and gained more clarity. Sometimes old ways of thinking come up and I guess I will never become 100% confident. But I am making progress. My thoughts that came up when you complimented me were my old thinking patterns. Feeling like a fraud and making myself small.

    I should learn how to take a compliment! I know you meant it whole heartedly. Hopefully, you know that you have truly helped me and that I appreciate all of your hard work.

    Today I went for a walk, picked wood garlic, cleaned for a bit and worked on my illustration. Tomorrow again I want to work on my illustration.

     

     

    #377885
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    sorry, I know you did not want to discuss my childhood any further. When reading how you praised me for not passing on emotional pain to others, I got worried a bit, asking myself if I could truly be this amazing and if I had presented myself as too perfect. Then I started to ask myself; is this really true about me? Maybe I should learn how to take a compliment. It would be amazing if I was like this. But all I can say is that I have the intent to be kind and friendly to others and not to hurt them to my best abilities. That is something.

    Also thank you for the time and effort you put into helping me and going through my threads for hours! You have given me lots of advice and insight and it did help me to understand better. I don’t know if I understood everything. Maybe it is time to go back to the old threads. The last time we talked about it it was still too painful, especially reflecting on my ex again (by reading the old threads). It has helped me to think less about him and made me feel calmer again.

    Today at work one of my co-workers got sick. I hope they are o.K., but it was quite serious. I like them, but we are also not so close, simply I hope they will fully recover. Other than that, the day was very slow. When I came home I did 50 minutes of yoga and it made me feel refreshed. Just when I finished my grandmother called and then I also talked with my roommate. Then I made food and it should be ready soon. After eating I should draw. Also, tomorrow: I need to work on project C and also go outside or do yoga again.

    Hope you are well!

    #377797
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    hopefully, I did not pass on the pain to others. However, I am not a saint. In my childhood, I would often fight with my sister and I also hit her. Also, I was disrespectful to my parents. I probably said hurtful things to them, because I wanted to not be weak. Often I worry that I might have hurt my ex in some way or another. But in his case, I have never had any intention to hurt him at all! While in my childhood? Did I want to hurt my family?? I think I wanted to be strong myself and I thought for a while that being strong meant being loud and saying cuss words. I hadn’t understood back then that you can be strong and quiet and sensitive at the same time! I tried for a very long time to be something I am not. It took me so long to completely understand!

    It is however not my intention to hurt others. It is not who I want to be. I do not want to mistreat anyone! Sometimes I will say something stupid and also I can have angry feelings towards a person. But I would like to be a person who is kind to others.

    Thank you for your kind words! It motivates me to try to be friendly to people. No matter what happens, I don’t want my heart to become bitter and give up. And I don’t want to pass on the pain to others.

    Today I was feeling a bit tired again, as I hadn’t slept that well. The good thing today was that I tried a new recipe which was delicious! It was millet with tomato and fried vegetables. Recently, I tried out some other grains, instead of eating rice all the time. Then I also wrote down the recipe in my recipe collection along with some other recipes. Let’s be honest: this was a form of procrastination from starting a new illustration… It is always harder to start again. But after looking at the pages I already finished I feel more motivated again. I think I will make a small sketch now. Today I also read and I drew just for fun.

    Tomorrow is a workday, so there will be less time for other things. But I still would like to find some time to draw.

    Take care!

    #377712
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    in some ways I am strong and in other ways I am weak. I know I have to work on myself a lot. But I still have some strength in me. Maybe it was just my wrong believes that made me weak…

    Today I did yoga in the morning which made me feel energized. Later I painted and I finished my illustration for project C. Tomorrow I want to start a new one and also do yoga and clean.

    Thank you for your good wishes! Hope you are having a great day yourself!

    #377624
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    the third test was more of a surprise to me too… But I was thinking, it can’t hurt.

    Well, I don’t know if I am delicate. In some ways, I think I am not delicate at all. Often I don’t give up easily, I also moved to new places on my own four times, went to live in another country for a few months… In school, I was always the person who had to catch the spider. I could go for 7 or more hour-long walks. I worked as a room maid, even though I was too slow, I did not give up and it is a physically hard job. I am facing my problems, working on myself… I can take criticism. Those are things where I think I am not fragile/delicate…

    In social interactions, I am often very unsure of myself. And yes, I get easily worried and lose balance. Then I am often seeking reassurance, but I need to learn to reassure myself. When I have more information, or when I can talk about it, I become more secure. On the other hand, I can become very insecure if a person I ask for reassurance ignores me or doesn’t respond well. Or if the communication is just very bad. But I have to become more independent of other people’s opinions.

    With the Corona tests and figuring out that it was probably just my allergies, I was feeling safer and less nervous. Now I also took the medication and am feeling better again.

    Today I did yoga in the morning, then finished the painting of project B. Later I worked on project C, did my laundry, and cleaned for a bit. I am content with myself. Tomorrow I want to finish the illustration I am currently working on for project C, maybe make some sketches for the next and work on project B. Also, do yoga or exercise or go for a walk and clean up for a bit.

    Thank you for wishing me a good night! I did sleep better and felt better today. Until tomorrow!

     

    #377556
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    in the end, I decided to go to work. It is most likely just my allergies: the itchiness in my throat is typical and at the moment one of the pollen I am allergic to is active. Also, I slept better last night and felt less tired. Still, a bit tired but not as much. But my co-worker also was tired, still from last week. I guess it was just a more stressful and busy week.

    Then I took the Corona test and it was negative. And I took a third test, as a new testing center opened only three minutes away from my workplace. My boss wanted to try it out and for some reason, I ended up going with her. All the tests were negative, so I think it’s all good. Maybe I exaggerated a bit, but at least the third test was not planned and surprised me a bit too!

    After work, I bought the medication against allergy symptoms and I hope it will help! I also painted, but the painting took longer than I expected and I will finish it tomorrow!

    Also, I would like to work on the other illustration from project C. I really want to make progress, as in the last few days, I did not get very much done. Besides that, I want to exercise for a bit and journaling could also be helpful!

    Thank you for your advice and concern! Please have a good day!

    #377482
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I am still feeling tired. The last two nights I did not sleep well. Yesterday I went for a walk and later cleaned our flat. But I was starting to feel like I am getting a cold, then I bought two Corona tests. Luckily, the one I took was negative. It’s maybe just my pollen allergies. But I still made ginger tea and chicken soup to heal myself. Even though I only did mundane things, I was running around all day. And during the night, my nose was always running and I could not sleep well.

    Today I cleaned my room and started to paint, but now I am thinking it might be o.K to just read something and relax for a bit, as I am still feeling tired. Hopefully, it will be better tomorrow. Well, I am feeling pretty good, just tired and I have a blocked nose. It’s not too bad. Tomorrow I can buy medication against allergies. For now, I will allow myself to rest.

    Tomorrow I should go to work, normally. Now I am feeling a bit insecure. I will take the second corona test in the morning and see how I feel. I don’t know if I am exaggerating and worrying too much… It’s probably just my allergies. I am just a bit insecure about how to act regarding work. But the test was negative, so all should be o.K.!

    Hope you are doing good and have a nice Sunday!

    #377446
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I am feeling really tired and like I am developing a cold. Already did a Corona test today at home and it was negative. Tomorrow I will write more again!

     

    #377421
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita.

    today was another calm workday. I realized that I really like my co-worker. She is so strong and confident, but at the same time really kind. We got along well. We talked a bit about everyday things and it was really fun. Sometimes I still worried about saying the wrong things and being awkward.

    With my work tasks, sometimes I did really well. On several occasions today I felt like I could really help the clients and be kind to them. Then I was content with myself. But sometimes not. Especially today when the manager was around I made lots of mistakes and said some awkward things, I felt. Then the feelings of being a loser came back. But later I told myself that I should focus on the positive and progress, not on my fears. Now I am feeling better.

    About sounding insecure: you are right, this reaction is not controlled. Better than blaming myself, would be to work on it. If I get more routine, I become more secure and sound more professional. And I have improved already!

    After work, I met my friend. We know each other for a long time, since 2005, but we still are not that close. After I moved to her city of origin, we had more contact again. We only meet from time to time. It was o.K., but I worried that I said some depressing things. I should stop myself from that, but sometimes it’s hard. Maybe we should plan our meetings better next time. It was still good to see her and the place we went to was beautiful. Lots of flowers and blossoming trees. I was also thinking of you when I saw white blossoms today!

    Plans for tomorrow:

    – Clean the flat including my room

    – Exercise / Go out for a bit

    – Work for uni

    #377373
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    yes, spring is coming, just the last days were more like winter again. I enjoy looking at the blossoms, especially the pink cherry tree blossoms. I want to sit under a pink cherry blossom tree and enjoy spring, read or have a picnic.

    Today things went better at work. It was a much calmer day and we got a lot of things done. There were fewer phone calls and questions. So I was feeling less stressed. Yesterday I was so stressed that I couldn’t sleep.

    You are right, I try my best and I also did with this client. There were no bad intentions from me, maybe a bit of impatience/insecurity/being hectic.

    My colleague gave me some feedback today that I know about how things work, but when someone catches me off guard with a question, you can hear the insecurity in my voice. I want to improve, but I am still learning. Work is like a big learning ground for me with a lot of challenges, but I think I have already gotten better. And the good thing is, I can feel that my colleagues appreciate me and accept me. It is not something that I did experience much before.

    Another good thing is, that probably from now on I can work two times again each week, so I am almost back to my old schedule. I am thankful that I have a job during these times and that my colleagues are good people.

    After work, I did about 30 minutes of yoga and felt refreshed after it. Then I made food and talked to one of my roommates. We get along well so far and I am happy. On the other hand, worries come up quickly, worries that I am not good enough, that I am strange, and say the wrong things. But maybe I should just be happy about the current situation, that everything is calm and worry less.

    Later I painted a while for project B. Now I am feeling tired and will go to sleep soon. Tomorrow is another work day and after work, I will meet a friend, so maybe there will not be much time for other things. But maybe I could still do some yoga or paint.

     

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 3 days ago by Lily.
    #377343
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    the blossoms from the trees of course are beautiful, but also, if they get exposed to the frost for too long they will be destroyed and it could endanger the harvest (fruit trees). Maybe it could also be bad for insects if a source of food gets harmed.

    Today I still saw some blossoms and I hope they will survive!

    This morning I went to work. It was more of a stressful day with lots of phone calls and people asking questions. Also, lots of administrative work, that we didn’t manage to get completely done.

    A client seemed angry with me, I think I didn’t communicate well with him. I didn’t know how to fix his problem, so I forwarded him to someone on the phone that would likely know better. I think I become impatient sometimes, especially when I feel insecure and don’t know the answer. Then I quickly give up and forward the problem to someone else. I need to work on that! Maybe I can find the solution myself. However, in this case, I don’t think it was really my place to make this decision?

    My social skills still need work. I make lots of mistakes. It seems to happen quite often that I communicate badly with people and they get angry at me. I get very hectic, I become fearful and try to say the right things, or try to find a quick solution. It is better to slow down and take my time. I wish that those things would come easier to me. Sometimes, then I decided it is easier to avoid the whole situation, like in the dormitory. I felt like everything I did is wrong, so I better stepped out of the way. But it is no solution.

    Anyways, I am still feeling relatively o.K. I did do yoga after work, for 20 minutes and I read. But I did not work on my project. Better try again tomorrow.

    I need to remind myself that I am trying my best and that I am still learning. That I don’t have to be perfect.

     

    #377289
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    the saying goes that April weather is indecisive. Today it was snowing again. The snow doesn’t stay but I hope soon there will be warmer temperatures! I worry that the blossoms from the trees will get damaged :/

    Thank you, I slept well. I hope you also have good nights and days!

    Today I did yoga for 44 minutes. I also tried another workout, but my room is very small and I gave up when the exercises started to require more space. Maybe I will try again on another day.

    Later I prepared food for the next days and worked on project C. Now I will read or journal.

    Tomorrow I will probably work on project B and I also want to do some yoga.

    Take care and enjoy your spring weather 🙂

    #377250
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    thank you, I did sleep well last night.

    Today was a strange weather day, stormy with snow, hail then sun, then snow again. So I stayed inside and worked on project C. I was making sketches and tests and will soon finish another double page. Also, I read and journaled.

    Tomorrow I want to work more on it. Besides that, I want to cook food for the next few days and hopefully exercise/do yoga.

    Until tomorrow.

     

    #377200
    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    yes, it is a better idea to focus on small steps and small progress. Otherwise, I will just become overwhelmed and stressed and it will also not get me to my goals any faster.

    Today I went on a long walk and also took some photos that I will need for project B. It was more of a cold grey day, but afterwards, I felt really good.

    In the afternoon I talked to my parents on the phone. Later I got a bit distracted by the internet, so I will now turn off the computer. Instead, I will journal as I had planned.

    Tomorrow I want to get more into working on my projects again.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 405 total)