Hi Brandy,

Thanks again.

Yes I have some difficult decisions to make in what will now be the next couple of days. I’m feeling the churning of fear in my stomach this morning so I’m going to swim with my dad again and see if I can’t calm it a little.

I’ve decided to go to the job discussion/interview with a very open mind. This isn’t just about me wanting to impress or blow them away- I’m more interested in listening to how I feel and respond to being back there again and whether it’s the right feel for me. I worked there for 23 years and have been away for 3 so my memories are recent but I know I’ve grown in my new job so I’ll be really interested to hear myself and understand just how much. If nothing else changes, at least I can go back to my current role with a fresh self appraisal of how I’m doing there. That’s how I’m approaching this- a learning opportunity and very much a ‘what will be will be’ approach.

I am scared now though. This is very real and I want someone to hold my hand. Other than you, I have no one that I can talk to objectively and deeply about this and this is a stark reminder of actually how lonely I am in this life. It’s times where we need others that we realise this- I look around and I see no one. Maybe after this is done, I need to reflect on that and understand why that is. What did I do over the years to get that way? Is it the constant change and unsettledness? What is it that made me have to reach out to a stranger for support? Interesting. N