Hi Inky:

Thank you for your response. I’ve actually gotten a full check up recently, hormone levels and all, and everything came back normal. I take 5-HTP and b-12 daily as well. I do have a lot of physical symptoms, like fatigue, tense muscles, and pressure behind my head all of the time though. I know it’s depression but I’ve had it for so long and I know that it will go away with emotional healing but I don’t know how to continue. When I moved out for college, I made it a point to start my own life… but my parents would guilt me over everything and would blame me for not wanting to see my little brothers. My first and second year of college consisted of like 4 or 5 hospital visits due to my anxiety and depression. I began to party a lot and wouldn’t show up for work or classes. I still have really good standing in school as I push myself super hard but I don’t know to keep healing. During this time, I let myself let loose but I would also study a lot on ayurveda  and ancient indigenous healing practices. I began to tell myself that my panic attacks were releases of energy and even distinguished the different parts of me that were in pain. I have epiphanies from time to time where i feel like my soul is trying to contact me. I remember what it felt like the day I lost myself, the first day I began to depersonalize, and recently I came to the understanding that for this long, I have been my fight-or-flight responses and not my true self. It helped take a lot of pressure off because essentially I’ve been able to train even my fight-or-flight responses to calm down and analyze a situation, but it’s frustrating when I feel like I can’t do something like date someone for fun.

So I don’t know what to do… my brain has a billion answers and my body isn’t here yet.