Hi Anita,

Yes you have summarized my story perfectly and yes I did feel the same thing when he use to preasurise me to marry someone else. I felt that he wanted me to settle first and move on so that he don’t feel guilty of marrying someone else himself later on.

it really hurts me Anita. but during the entire relashionship he was the person who was always showing emotions as how much he loves me and needs me but I had o bottle up all my feelings by myself and I couldn’t express my love to him freely due to the issues we had. but he would never  understand the love and affection I had in my heart. sometimes I felt his love was kind of selfish too. I did my best to support me in every aspect of his life but I felt he was blaming me that I was not good enough. but then why was he with me so long. were he trying for other options while he was with me. now that he found is perfect match he decided to walk out.

I don’t know but its too much for me. we’re in two different religions. Hes a Buddhist and I am a Muslim, In my culture its very diificult o find a life partner at the age of 39. even if I do I know I cannot changed my mind so quickly I just cant imagine my life with someone else. I just want to walk out from everything but I have my Mom at home whom I have to take care of. her Health condition is also not good.

to be honest though I am 39 I look very much younger than my age which I believe its a Gods gift.  I look as if I am in my mid twenties. Most of the younger boys tries to approach me coz they’re not aware of my age. The girl whom he has contacts with is 28 years old but she looks very much older than her age and older to me. I’m not crtizising  about anyones looks but this is what I see. couple of weeks back he told me randomly don’t crtisize if you see whom I would be in the future. you all will be in shock. I never took his words seriously at that time.

Also Anita I really don’t like to go to work coz to be honest I’m very much isolated and don’t have any friends. in my entire relashionship he never let me associate with anybody at work. I was not allowed to talk to any boys if I do he use to accuse me a lot and then say he was trying to protect me. when it comes to girls even if I had to hang out he doesn’t let me saying you’re hanging out with them and trying to meet other guys. so I couldn’t tolerate the arguments and he was important to me more than anyone. so I don’t mingle with anyone much. even at work he was the only person I associate with and I didnt feel the need of hanging out with anyone coz I got all the attention and love from him to the maximum. but in the recent times I noticed he has been adding lots of girls on social media on his profiles and contacts with everyone. He does all what he wants to do and restricts me in everything.

Also he has messaged one of my sister and told that he has been protecting me like our father and wether hes right or wrong I cannot remain single and he has blamed my family for not taking care of me and that I’m still single is because they haven’t done any justice for me to give me in marriage. I was shocked to read it. I mean my family is my strength they are my life they support me in every way and they love me. but they were quiet at this point coz all what matter them was my happiness, they knew how much I loved him and liked him. they never forced me into anyone though they brought me any proposals but they are also suffering that I’m not settled in life. His entire msg for my sister was blaming me and my family nothing what he did and how his parents treated me. and he asked my sister to convince me to get settled with someone. my sis had asked him what he wants to do and he has told that he wants to move out. so she told me not to keep any hopes on him coz his entire msg says he wants to move out which is hurting me.

Now that hes gone I don’t want to go to work I don’t have anybody to talk with I will miss him so much. I am doing a really good job higher than him and am paid higher than him but I want to leave this place coz of the memories no friends no peace of mind etc. but at 39 I’m scared to take any risk it will be quite difficult to find a good place and right now I cant afford to leave my job. I am with a heavy heart where I cannot find happiness from any part of my life. I am unable to cry at home coz I don’t want to hurt my mom but she kind of know the story and quite hurt.

I am very hurt I feel so lonely and clueless as what to do in life but I do know that I need a change but have no strength to think of anything. Also I cant tolerate the fact that he has contact with this girl he must be messaging her as how he did to me. how can he do this to me he was everything for me and I still believe it.