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Hi riris,
I’m glad you found the courage to share your story. You have even found the courage to recognize your own behaviors as “toxic.”
Oftentimes the toxic behavior we display are expressions of the wounds we still have inside. Perhaps you were hurt before–by a parent, friend, ex-partner, or others. Your pattern of “anger fits, cheating, saying negative things, playing the victim role, and talking about myself” sounds like festering wounds that can use some attention.
Hurt people will hurt people. A mentor has said, “If we don’t transform our wounds, we will surely transmit them.” Start noticing your patterns and be gentle with yourself. It helps to find a counselor who can guide you through the process.
I wish you only the best, which is what you deserve.
-veronica