Dear AutomnGlow:

I like  Airene’s  response, and hope to read your answers to her questions.

You wrote earlier, “I did very much enjoy the attention I was getting from him. I lavished in it, I looked forward to each day when we would get to connect”-

Humans are social animals, we need to connect with others. We feel alive when we connect and dead when we are isolated for too long.

Dogs are also social animals. Did you notice how they wag their tails when connecting with their owner, or people they know, or other friendly dogs? The wagging of their tail is that feeling alive. We are not different, we too feel alive when connecting, and dead when alone for too long.

If your husband is a good man, if he is a loving man, and/ or is motivated to be loving to you, if I was you, I wouldn’t tell him what happened. It will hurt him. You know how it hurts you to know what happened, so no need to transfer this pain to him.

It hurts you to know that you participated in what you did, and it has been hurting you for a long time. I think it is time to accept this pain as something you will have to live with. It is this very accepting that will lower the intensity of your pain. It will become a weaker kind of pain, a regret, but not your focus.

Focus on improving your relationship with your husband. Connect with him. Make your  life about that, not about what happened when you felt dead inside and needed desperately to feel alive again. Learn from the experience and make better choices today and tomorrow. I think that you will forgive yourself as you make those better choices.

We all made mistakes when we felt desperate and terribly lonely. Yes, I understand better as I type these very words. I can relate to that desperation. I do hope you forgive yourself and please do post anytime you’d like.

anita