Dear anita,

I don’t know if he was feeling sexual. That day I was sick. We were just talking, it was actually really nice. He was laying with his head on my lap and I was caressing his face…. For me it was clear that we were not going to have sex. The next day he wanted to come over to sleep at my place (I think he meant without sex?) after he came back from meeting his friends. As I was feeling sick, I communicated that I don’t want him to come over that day. He also would had arrived at about 2 am and maybe I’m boring, but that’s too late for me. And then I met him again yesterday.

Maybe I don’t trust him enough? He does seem to be a good person. He works really hard and is so focused on his goals (I would like to be more like that too!). He’s also really affectionate and never does anything against my will. He tells me about his plans for the future. His sister is my flatmate (in my current dormitory), but I don’t know her that well . But she also seems to be a good person and very hardworking. I think he also told her about me. Once I met her and she smiled at me in a way that makes me think he talked to her about me. He also knew something about me that she must have told him (that I spend a lot of time alone). So those are reasons that make me think he is trustworthy.

But I have a hard time trusting him. I find it hard to believe that someone like him would like me. I’m also 5 years older than him. I guess I look good, but I’m difficult, don’t have my life together and am old… Aside from compliments on my looks he said that he likes about me that I’m so nice and that I like people… And that I’m a good person.

Maybe he is genuine and I am too distrustful by sometimes suspecting he just wants sex?

I don’t know. I don’t know what he is thinking. He has a lot of things going on. His work, his friends, his family, his studies. Even when we meet he sometimes talks to one of his aunts on the phone. I wonder if there is even room for me in his life.

In comparison, my life feels empty and boring. But actually I like it a bit calmer. But sometimes I feel ashamed when I tell him that I have mostly been painting on a day. (Sometimes I get even less done 🙁 )

Am I very stupid for having sex with him so quickly? It wasn’t very well thought through and I also lost control a little bit. That was actually something I didn’t want to do. I wanted to wait until I get to know a person better. But I seem to repeat my mistakes. Dating flatmates (he was living with his sister for the summer) is definetely not a good idea for me. It makes it much harder to establish my boundaries.

Maybe it really better not to have sex with him until I get to know him better. But it will also be hard to get to know him better, sice he is going away this week.