Dear Hannah:

The real gods in our lives are our parents, isn’t that amazing? When your mother told you what she told you about your body, it was not just a person saying those things, it was the most important person in your young life saying those things. We do imagine our parents are all-knowing, all-powerful when we are children. Like gods.

I understand your confusion about which of your feelings reveal reality and which don’t, which are a result of sickness. This is the confusion I suffered from for decades!

It will take time but sooner than later, if you persist, maybe with some help, you will be able to tell the difference. Let’s take this weekend situation that you mentioned, is your anxiety indicating that he lied  to you and is planning to meet the girl on Instagram, or he told you the truth and has no such plan?

I don’t know the answer to it yet. Let’s see… first thing to do is calm down that anxiety, soften it, weaken it. A long walk can accomplish that, a hot bath perhaps, both, maybe a good movie to watch. There is a guided meditation I remember in which you visualize your thoughts coming into the room through one window and exiting through another, it helps to separate yourself from those obsessive thoughts.

Accept that if indeed he lied to you and will see another girl, that you will survive it. No matter how painful, you will make it through alive. Then wait, occupying yourself with something productive, or that walk.

When you talk to him, you can ask him what work he is doing on the car, ask questions, what kind of car is he working on, did he work on it before, how is it to work with his father…  that way you get to learn about his interests, his skills, even his relationship with his father. If he hesitates for too long before telling you what car he will be working on, as if he is trying to come up with an answer, that will be a cause for concern.

It takes time and patience. Let me know what transpires this weekend regarding your boyfriend, will you?

Regarding poor choices that I made, my goodness, there were so many, most choices I made were poor and many were about not choosing at all, that is, letting others choose for me. I would say that letting others choose for me was my poorest choice of all. How it affected my life? It served the interest of those who chose for me at my expense.

I will soon be away from the computer for the next fifteen hours or so. I hope to read about your weekend soon.

anita