I think that this guy gave me so much attention and affection in the beginning that I just went sort of nuts yearning for it all the time. That might be why I am having such a hard time adjusting. I miss the feelings & attention he gave me. Remember, I was starving for attention, passion, sex and companionship, which he gave me for over a year. He was fine on the last Friday I talked to him, did not give any indications that he was tired of me, then poof! He was gone. I don’t think a lot of people could understand why I’m so hurt over what he did. I wish he had never sent me that late night text either, because now I am constantly thinking about what it meant. I’m trying to decifer every word of it. He most likely regretted sending it when he woke up the next day.

As far as being embarrassed about the sex stuff, well, I can’t help it. I did things with him that I never even did with my long term boyfriend. We would sext, send dirty photos & videos to one another, etc. I feel ashamed. I also am paranoid that he got grossed out by something that happened last time we were together. It was the most embarrassing thing to happen to someone during an intimate moment. Without going into detail, I keep thinking that is why he ghosted me. Another reason I thought of is he didn’t want to see me anymore because I had told him that I was fixing to move to an expensive apartment, and would no longer be able to buy a lot of extras for him & I any more. There are just so many things it could be. In a perfect world, I would not give a shit, but like I said, I was addicted to the feelings he gave me. I truly think the guy is miserable where he is, but is too much of a pussy to do anything about it. He also knows that I am disgusted with him. He simply doesn’t care, though. Maybe when he was drunk the other night he was thinking about it, but the next day he probably regretted sending me that text. He probably regrets ever getting together with me. That hurts to even think that someone would regret being with me.