Dear Sharmin:

It is my understanding that at one point you figured you are a bad person for feeling crushes toward men you just met, and not feeling love for your long time boyfriend. Most of us feel a lot of distress when we think we are  bad people.

Thing with feelings is that we can’t force ourselves to feel something we don’t feel, and to not feel what we do feel. The way to go about life is to notice what we feel but to not judge ourselves as bad people for feeling this or that. Instead, focus on our behaviors. If you don’t flirt with the men you have crushes on (while you have a boyfriend), and you don’t engage with them, then you are not a bad person no matter what you feel.

Focus on your behavior as what determines you being a good or bad person, not on your feelings.

You got to place now that you are afraid that you don’t love your boyfriend. When we are afraid, we can’t feel the soft feeling of love. Fear and love don’t go together. It is only if when you stop being afraid, that you may get those loving feelings back.

What do you think/ feel?

anita