Anita, thank you for the response.  I appreciate it more than you will ever know.  I looked up what you said and although I cannot know about some of them on the list, chronic emptiness, and identity disturbance, I do believe that there are signs of five that I know of.  She told me enough about her past relationships I could write a book.  There was a lot of negative things that took place.  There was events that took place that made me confused because she became paranoid about things that I didn’t understand.  She thought I colluded with my sister to get my sister to say something to her that would in turn manipulate her.  I was offended.  My sister and I are not like that and I didn’t understand why I would be perceived like someone who would do this.  It was just one example but there were some others.  She thought it was strange how I liked to leave for work earlier than what she thought was appropriate.  Made her think that I may be going somewhere else beforehand.  They were just real small things but I had a hard time understanding what was happening.  I was reading about this beyond the list of things  they talk a lot about a push and pull phenomenon that I was experiencing and lately it has been nothing but mean things being done towards me, judgments and the inability to do anything right, belittling, and was very uncaring when I was injured.  When I was injured I was not as much help as I usually am around the house and the scales were shifting in the amount of weight I was pulling and she was becoming frustrated.  I felt like a burden.  I think I need to learn more about this and see what I am up against.  You mention “There is no personality disorder more harmful in the context of an intimate relationship than this one.”  I wonder if there is a spectrum to this because I know she is high functioning I wonder if this is a do-able situation or I am constantly going to be going through the idealization / devalue stages for a long time.  Almost at the 6 month mark I mentioned how I couldn’t feel her love for me and didn’t really know how else to express it.  I just felt like my value was going down and she was not aware of her actions to be doing that.  There was a slight change that happened after but it’s been all bad for awhile now.  At what point I wonder that I need to go in another direction?