Shelby,

In all honesty I’m not sure if it’s somwthing that I can fully mend from, I have a strong feeling I will carry this with me for the rest of my life. I did and I guess still in a sense do feel that it was/is his responsibility to help me heal from this because he caused it. Surely you’d want to do that for the person you love and broke?

But then again that could just be me wanting him to save me? I don’t quite know at the moment. The thing is, I feel if he isn’t a part of this process of healing then he cannot be a part of my life. Because you don’t get to just break someone you ‘love’ like that, know very well just how much you shattered that persons life, leave them to pick up the pieces of themselves and then walk back in like hey, now that you’ve sorted yourself out I can walk back in again.

And I also feel like the resentment and anger, feelings of betrayal continue to grow each day that he isn’t part of the healing process.

Honestly, I don’t even know myself. I feel like I am just blabbing in, i’m sorry for the downer this evening just really struggling!