Dear Joey:

It seems like you and your boyfriend had a three year relationship of one kind and then a different kind of a relationship for a year and ongoing, on and off, casual type. If your goal is to have a committed, monogamous relationship with him, not a friends-with-benefits type, then end the latter and aim at the former. In other words, don’t have sex with him.

Because it was already decided on before, that there will not be sex between you and it happened anyway, the only way to see to it that there is no sex in the future (for as long as the relationship is not of the kind you want), is not to meet with him in person at all.

In the future, if you and him have a meeting of the minds again, where you are both interested in the same and feel that you are capable of it, then resume talking, starting from the beginning.

anita