Hey Anita,

Thank you for reading. Sorry, now that I read it it does sound confusing.

I’ve been together for a long time with people because I was lonely, but I had no spark with them and it haunted me. I also had nothing in common with these men and I knew from the beginning it would have no future (nor did I feel like I wanted that with them) It was wrong of me and selfish, hurting both parties. It was because I felt like I was doomed to be alone, and if someone liked me I reached out my hand to them.

I’ve had butterflies and incredible attraction before, so I know what it feels like. However this was only one sided (from me) and it never went further than longing or a few dates.

I guess I just want both, I’ve been seeking it for years. But its not like I don’t like the way he looks. I like his face and hair and the way he smells and to cuddle. But I notice that the way he looks at me is fueled by so much more attraction and fireworks. Therefore I feel like it’s unfair to him I don’t have the same attraction and I am haunted again by guilt. I feel almost envious of him!

With this man however I do have a connection, I feel like I could have an amazing future with him. I want to be content with what I have and feel, but It seems like I can’t for some reason. I don’t want to hurt him, because I feel like he deserves the world.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by Alisa.