Kkasxo,

I know you want to forgive so you can feel better, and I do believe one day you will get there. I think forgiveness comes at the end of a process though. I think you may have to go through at the pain, anger, denial and acceptance before you can get to a space of forgiveness and that may take some time.

Nobody wants the pain phase, including me….but I don ‘t think we can bypass it. We’ve been hurt, like our leg is broken….we’d love to be 6 weeks down the road when the cast has healed the break and you can walk on the leg again, but unfortunately that doesn’t happen overnight and you have to treat the break first.

The pain may buckle you like last night, but you’re still breathing. You’re still breathing. And every time you think you can’t take the pain, you listen to that tiny tiny voice deep down or remember my voice in your head and hear it say….I’m in agony, I can’t bare this but it won’t last. It’s going to pass, at some point, it will pass.

When I had my dark moment 10 days ago, I called my sister and she told me that I have to pull myself out of it, that everyone is there to support me, but I have to use my own two feet. You can do it. I know you can based on our correspondence over the past while.

What happened to you is not fair, it’s not right and it’s hurt you more than anything in your life before. BUT YOU WILL RECOVER. I promise you that. It takes time and a bit of work, but if everyone who suffered such trauma was crippled by it and couldn’t get over it, the human race would soon die out. We have the innate capacity to heal, that’s an inexplicable gift.

I know the LAST thing in the world you want to do is go to the gym this evening, but do you want to try it? Work out some of the anger? If you do it, I’ll commit to going to the swimming pool! We can update each other later.

You’re stronger that you think Kkasxo/Kammy, if you weren’t, you wouldn’t be still standing, you wouldn’t be 5 months down the road still holding down a job and functioning. Sending only the best of vibes to you today.