Hi Shelby,

How did your shopping trip go? Did you manage to get anything nice at all?

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had another tough night. I always find the evenings/ nighttime to be the worst. Heck every time of the day sucks when you’re going through heart break!

I’m wondering, are you perhaps not able to accept because you haven’t got closure? Whatever that may be. I know our situations are somewhat different I.e the reasons behind the split but I know for personal experience the reason why we keep bouncing back and forth to one another is perhaps because there are so many things left unsaid. We didn’t really want to split up. We sort of didn’t have a choice around the situation that we were faced with. Things got very bitter and we had people fighting our battles for us and as a result we didn’t actually get to speak about what happened and why it happened that way. It has taken me a long time to come to this conclusion and a long time to come to terms with the fact that we will need to have a conversation which covers everything around the situation/ break up to get some clarity and closure. I realised I am unable to move forward with my life and my recovery without everything being laid out on the table. He agrees. So we are in the process of arranging this conversation now. I believe for me this will allow me to close that chapter of my life – with or without him moving forward.

I wonder if perhaps the break up on your end was so sudden that although you know the reasons behind it there are still many unanswered questions and unsaid words.. perhaps that could be what is holding you back in your recovery?

Our meet up went well. It’s safe to say that we most definitely still enjoy one another’s company – as strange as it is we completely bounce off of one another just like we used to. However like I said before this is all well and good until the reality, the trauma gets mentioned or remembered. At this point, i’m not quite sure if we’ll be moving forward together..  I suppose time will tell. It is a tough one because I realise my family and friends will most definitely not approve if we reconciled, they’d be disappointed with me. Although I like to think I’m a strong individual and I make decisions for me, it is still off putting to know that we won’t be celebrating big events together I.e Christmas etc because it’ll just be too much hassle!

I cannot wait for this chapter of my life to be over now!