Kkasxo,

Your situation with your ex is somewhat resonating with me. My ex originally used to say we both wanted the same things but just different paths to get there. So I thought we were good and as long as we wanted the same things, it would work out, even if not in the exact way I had planned- which by the way is almost identical to you. I thought, move in together, engaged, baby etc. As time passes, not all in one go. I am in the family home too and he lives with his parents and is tied to there substantially. So when I pressed him for more definite plans about our future, then the cracks started to show.

The difference for me is that my ex is at the age when a man would usually have come to the conclusion of settling down. Therapist says the realisation doesn’t normally happen men until 30 or so. To be honest, I would definitely have gone on for years more as we were, albeit not exactly what I wanted, if I had the time. But I’m approaching 36 so it was taken out of my hands in terms of a timeline. Realistically I’m not ready for that stuff myself yet- I’m pretty young at heart and haven’t settled into ‘adulthood’ yet! But time is against me I’m afraid. Something I have no control over.

I genuinely think it’s probably not uncommon that a guy of your ex’s age is not ready to concrete the plans yet. However, I see the dilemma for you, you’re basically hanging on, hoping he’ll still feel the same down the road. Essentially ye are at two different speeds. And when you want something sooner or efforts to begin in that general direction, it can be very hard to avoid resentment and frustration. Apparently we should never be in relationships where someone is two steps ahead of you or two steps behind you, they should be walking along beside you….or something like that! But as you know by now, rationale disappears when it comes to the heart, I’d still take my ex back in the morning!

I’m actually going to try and make the pool tonight and not just talk about it! Fingers crossed.

When you wake up with pain, do you mean physical or emotional? It will be a lot for you when your family leaves because its huge change and your support network will be farther away. So I really hope the therapy helps you from now on and gives you some tools to help you be strong and resilient.