Shelby, honestly were we dating the same man?!

I 100% agree on not being ready yet. BUT I do still want those things in the future, I am sure of that. In all of our conversations it is clear that we are on different timelines as I would say for e.g I think it would be pretty normal for us to be living together at this stage (over three years together), it most definitely would be appropriate for us to be engaged in the next 2/3/4 years as we would’ve been together around 6/7 years.

I don’t want to rush these things at all but what I do want is some kind of progress. The relationship has to move forward somehow. If I am honest, I did believe that my family moving away would urge him to step up and say okay you’re being left on your own, i’m your partner, we’ve been together long enough, lets make this next step! No, instead I get the, i’ll come and view flats with you! I’ll buy you a few bits for your new place! But a complete no go about us looking for OUR place together.

I’m very anxious about my family leaving the country. Not only because I’ve got to take this next step on my own but also because I wont get to pop to my mums for a cuppa when I’m having a bad day! She’ll be a flight away! It is terrifying. And even more reason why I relied on him I guess.. he will be all I have left here in a sense.

Many of my friends advised that what he is doing is quite normal in this day and age especially taking into consideration the fact that he is so keen on having a mortgage and would never ever choose to rent. Naturally, getting a mortgage in this day and age takes a lot of time – hence his timeline being so behind mine. Which I understand, but I guess it just comes down to us having a different idea of life. I for one said I wouldn’t want to get a mortgage with him having never lived with him in the first place. It makes no sense. What if it doesn’t work out and then we have to go through solicitors etc to get our shares ?! How do you expect me to help you save for a mortgage when I have to pay full rent etc all by myself because you wont move in with me to make any of it easier? I would’ve much rather rented for a little while, still saved but enjoyed our time together in our rented apartment where we didn’t have to worry if anything breaks because the landlord will fix it! And then eventually when we get to a stage where we can afford a mortgage we can move towards that step! But I cant put my life on hold and live at home forever because he wants a mortgage – unfortunately I don’t have that choice! That’s another reason why I thought he would step up. I thought he’d appreciate the fact that had I had the option perhaps I would’ve held out a bit longer, but I simply do not. I have to move and that’s that.

I genuinely believe he is the ‘never ready’ type of man and will end up just like your ex well into this thirties or even later in life. Even though he says he wants all these things I can picture him aged 35 still unable to settle down, still living at home with his mother, still financing his families life, a lonely sad man. I really can picture it.

One of his aunties is in her late fifties and all on her own, never married, no children etc. She spent something like 12 years of her life happily involved with a man who promised her the world but always had ‘all the time in the world’. Eventually it was too late for her to have children and he still wasn’t getting any closer to making their relationship progress into marriage or even having a home to call their own. She eventually left him for those reasons. I often compare my ex to this man and I’ve told him that reconciling with him is like going into something blindfolded with the knowledge that I will end up like his auntie – he didn’t like it but I feel it’s the truth.

Physical pain – that time of the month unfortunately! Absolutely ruined my plans as I really wanted to go and have a great session at the gym today! I may just settle for a light home workout instead! I’m glad to hear you want to go for a swim tonight! This may tire you out and in turn help you have a good sleep! 🙂