Shelby,

That is a very good analogy and makes perfect sense. I do believe that in order to heal from the trauma and pain associated with this event I will have to pick it apart bit by bit and allow all the feelings of loss, grief, sadness, betrayal, hurt, heart break just flow over me. It is going to be tough, I know this and I am hoping that my counselling sessions can help me with the process in the long run. I must admit, I am slightly anxious about starting this process on Thursday but nonetheless excited for the possible outcome – a healed and renewed Kammy.

I wish there wasn’t as much confusion and uncertainty around my situation – as there is with yours. You and your ex are both in quite a clear and transparent predicament, you have split up and that’s that. It doesn’t hurt any less but at least you have the clarity I very much long for. I believe the back and forth with my ex has made things so much worse for me but I cant help but believe in people – and this goes for all relationships in my life. I am the person who gives chance after chance to all in my life. I am almost too understanding, perks of being a Libra maybe? It is a constant battle between what I already know and what I want to believe – to see the good in everyone and everything.

I have learnt though that my ex (although he may not show this and is nowhere as bad as me) has also experienced a major shift to him personally following the whole ordeal. He has lost himself. It appears that even with all good intentions he is unable to succeed in doing good at the moment. Everything he does eventually backfires and although he is sincerely apologetic for this I of course get hurt in the process. It’s sad to see that he has lost himself like this but he is not mine to save, as I am not his to save. I have to save myself.

As I go through my therapy, I think I will really take into consideration perhaps starting medication for a little while. I have tried for so long to not go down that route as I hear it gets worse before it gets better and then it is extremely difficult coming off the medication (anti-depressants) but perhaps in this chapter of my life this is what I need. I don’t know, perhaps it is something to consider.

Enough about me! How are you feeling this morning? When is your presentation?!