Kkasxo,

Apologies, I just went to click reply to your last post and I clicked report by accident, my bad! Sorry! They really should keep those buttons far away from each other!

Counselling can definitely be daunting if you have never done it before, it might seem awkward opening up to a stranger. But remember two things, they are trained in exactly what you’re going through and they absolutely have NO judgement, they really don’t, not matter completely off the wall stuff you experience. Within 6 weeks, it can really help change your frame of mind.

I know things are clear on my ex’s part. He is done. I wish my betraying heart would allow me to accept that, but there are varying levels of denial and acceptance going on. But yes, the lack of contact or hope or decision making means I don’t really have a choice but to move on. There is nothing I can do to change it, despite me spending many many hours, trying to find a way to change it. It is what it is and I guess you do need that.

In terms of your ex, he probably is lost and that is why is so eager to get you back too as you are someone who loves him and grounds him and is there for him, but realistically he probably needs to work on that on his own. Two lost people together could become very confusing and tricky with the potential for more unintentional hurt.

I was worried about taking medication too and I was aware of the warnings etc. Every single person reacts differently, but I’ll give you mine, but I hasten to add again – everyone is different. I was put on a relatively low dose two years ago and was told it would take 2 weeks and I may get worse first. This is what happened for me – I was completely lost and scared and anxious. Within 8 days I started to feel better, it was like a black foggy cloud, where I believed I would never get better, started to lift and I could think more sensibly and normally. I never went ‘down’ first as many people had described, I slowly just started to get my normality back and started to feel better. Within a year I had halved that low dosage and while I experienced a small flutter more of anxiety – or rather more worry than anxiety, coming off it, with the help of counselling is not as hard as people say. Of course it depends on the particular drug, but it’s all about weaning, bit by bit, till it’s gone.

For me, work has really been distracting me today thankfully. I drove to the pool last night with my swim gear on and everything but I drove straight home again. My tummy just felt off and I couldn’t force myself. Maybe next time!

My presentation is next week and now it seems I have a total of 3 to do on 3 different days, eek!! I’m in denial about them at the moment, until the 11th hour! The pain is not as bad today but it could come again tomorrow as Im on a day off. Hopefully not.