Shelby,

I’m hoping that I get just that from my counselling sessions – a shift in my mindset and the strength to move past this horrible time in my life. Fingers crossed.

Also, yes that is exactly what I meant in terms of clarity. When me and my ex first split there was a lot of anger and resentment around the situation that we experienced, hence the complete shut down from his end and him being admant in his ways about our split. Although painful, it was a lot easier to move on as I had no choice but to do this. Since he was come back this is now proving a lot more difficult because although I know what I know, the heart wants what it wants. I never stopped loving him, not even for a  moment and so naturally I am drawn straight back to him. But as you say, I am broken, he appears to be broken and lost in his ways too at this point in his life. I believe we could’ve helped one another had we just stuck this one out but instead we went our separate ways and this has now caused a big gap between us – a gap full of hurt, hurt and even more hurt. I know that his intentions are good and he is genuinely trying to do the best by us, by me. I suppose in a sense he feels obliged to help me out of this gloomy place because he was the one who caused it – but it appears that the no matter the good intentions he does somehow still manage to hurt me in the process.

Well done on at least driving to the swimming pool yesterday, that is a start in itself! The intention was there and that is all that matters, next time you might just walk through the door and the next you might actually go for a swim – progress. I actually took myself to the gym yesterday, despite being in pain and feeling shitty about myself. I didn’t have a great workout as I felt weak, but I did something and that is a start. I am hoping to do the same today. With the key word here being hope because all I want to do is finish work and go and climb in my bed and pour myself a strong drink!

I remember having to do presentations whilst at uni and I absolutely hated every moment of it. I have this thing where I laugh when I am nervous so I was never really good at them so I wish you luck!

Have you got much planned for the oncoming weekend? I’m already nervous about this! Me and the ex were supposed to be spending the weekend on our in depth conversation for closure and now I don’t think that is going ahead at all. So I guess I will end up in bed sulking like every other weekend!