Valora,

Thank you for this response

I have recognised today that ultimately the person who is in a relationship is more at fault here than I am. The guilt is mostly coming from the fact that I felt a lot of anger towards the person that my ex strayed with, and this has made me feel like a hypocrite.

While a big part of it was to get back at my ex, a part of doing it was for the assurance that I can still experience intimacy without her in my life. I realise now that getting drunk and actively seeking anyone to get this from is not the way to go about it and that it does not make things better.

Where you said that you yourself have done things out of character whilst under the influence reminds me that doing so is nothing out of the ordinary. So thank you, I think it needed to hear that 🙂

I am certain that my alcohol dependency comes mainly from two things; social anxiety and there being seemingly not much else to do socially where I live.

Alcohol gives me a false sense of confidence that I do not have while sober. It brings me out of my shell for a bit but then I end up doing things that I regret. I have always believed very strongly that people who do bad things when they drink simply should not, but I now realise that this is easier said than done.

I have been out to a drinking occasion before where I just had one drink as I want driving home. It was probably one of the most enjoyable times I’ve had with this particular group of friends and it was wonderful the next day to be able to remember everything and know that I did nothing out of character.