So yesterday I didn’t do much, other than think and speak to people, which I suppose should not be underestimated. I learned that many people apparently mostly change their cv’s rather than cover letter. I make a few tweaks to my cv to suit the place I am applying for, but I think I should start paying more attention to this.

I am also starting to think more and more about going to Switzerland, in any way I can. As much as I would love to get the “perfect” job, if I am already there, I think it’d be easier. Of course, I am now starting at the top of my “wish list” but, should that not work out, I will work my way down the list. I find it very hard to keep going and deal with this uncertainty. I’ve never had an issue getting a job before, but then again, I am trying to do something more difficult this time; getting in to a semi-new field in a country I only have weak connections to. In the past, I’d usually take me about 5 applications to get something, but I am counting on around 10 or even 15 this time, to prepare myself… Yeah, so as you can hear on my reasoning, I am sh*tting myself doing this. At least I have your support! 🙂

I am currently half way through the cover letter to the Swedish company. I’ll finish off and send the application tomorrow. I have also found another graduate opportunity almost as good as the first application I sent in. There’s no real deadline stated, which always makes me nervous, as I am worried the ad will be taken down before I’ve had a chance to apply. I will start working on that application as soon as I’ve sent in the one I am doing now.

Anita, no problem with your summary, could maybe be good for someone who’s interested, but can’t be bothered reading through everthing I’ve written!

Peter, thank you for your input. I always find it very comforting and inspirational to hear what other people have experienced. It reminds me I am not alone. In particular I find it comforting to hear other people who made it through transitions in life, who came out on the other side, and look back at it saying, they made it, it was hard, but they are in a much better place now.

I honestly don’t think (knowing myself) that I will find true happiness and some peace, until I can settle down somewhere. And as I know how much stress and pain there is in moving, I know that even when I do find a place to put down my roots for a few years, it will still take at least 1-2 years until I can really begin to feel happy. In the beginning you have all the annoying life admin to take care of, no support system, and there is just a lot of things to deal with, but as time goes on you make little tweaks to your being in the right direction. You find a better place to live, you slowly start making some friends, you start getting you finances in order, you adapt to language, culture and customs at the new place and all the little things that you didn’t like you have one by one taken care of until you have built up a life for yourself at this new place, that you are happy with.

That is how I felt in the UK. I had lived there for six years and felt very much at home there. I had made many dear friends among the locals, and had a great flat, knew how everything worked, my English is now near perfection, and I had just built up a life for myself there over the six years that I really loved. It was a very difficult decision to leave all that. But at the end of the day, I knew this was my chance to move somewhere new, and get new life experiences. The timing was good. And I trusted that if I can build up something good there, I can build up something good anywhere, which is what I am now aiming for. And truth be told, I was outright depressed during my first year (probably the most miserable year of my life- I was this close to packing up and moving home) and still deeply unhappy in my second year. But I kind of changed things little by litte, until I was genuinely happy, especially in my 4th and 5th year there (before I started worrying about whether to move or stay, and what was going to happen to me). I remember being on my horse on a random Tuesday morning (classes didn’t start until after lunch that day), gallopping along a stubble field, thinking “life does not get better than this”. It was sunny, I had loads of friends I cared for and who cared for me, I had a good part time job in horses, I got to study in this amazing location at one of the best universities in the country, something that I was genuinely interested in, I lived in a great flat, and just felt so at home where I was.

I guess it sounds like madness to tear all that down, given what I am experiencing now. But even after everything that has happened since I left the UK, I still believe it was the right decision for me. I have an innate wander lust, and I think I would have probably regretted staying and packed up eventually anyway if I had decided to stay, only feel it was a waste of time to stay, because I could have left so much earlier. What I had not anticipated though, was how difficult it was going to be. I knew it was going to be hard to start over, but not this hard… And I did not anticipate this many curve balls to be thrown my way… Again, not once have I actually regretted my decision to move away from the UK, or wondered if I made a mistake moving. I stand firm in that decision, and deep down I know it was right for me, but never settling and feeling like so many fundamental things in my life are “wrong” and finding myself so far from where I want to be has really taken a toll on me. I feel quite tired sometimes. It’s been an exhausting year and a half since graduation.

Wow, I am really finding this writing therapeutic! 🙂

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Emelie.